Cycles

"The act of creation is a cross-dressing. Facing the canvas, the page, but upstream from this confrontation, the artist prepares a mask that will allow him to confront the chaos. Make-up, costume, jewelry—ritual, prayer, drugs—all means are good for reaching this end: leaving oneself and becoming the creator-self that knows no fear.—But depending on the case, the space and the modality that separate the two selves vary. For some, caesura is physical; for others, this transformation is purely interior—a psychological movement that spurs the liberation of the artistic essence."
(in First Death)

"Axel left Vienna again. On his way to Florence, he claims he's visiting churches, museums, and gay clubs. I think he's completely forgotten me; I know nothing about his plans. Camille bores me. When I run into him at the grocery store, he comments on the color of my curly hair and is surprised that my nails aren't done. But I let him love me again yesterday, out of habit, or ease… The effort required to find a new love is so great that it is easier to sink into the current one, which means the past one. I know, though, that nothing links me to him anymore except physical play that's become monotonous. Monotonous, because his fantasies no longer shock me; I'm no longer surprised by the folds of his skin, the look of pleasure on his face, the words he whispers while my tongue slides across his belly. It's ironic that mental and physical weariness almost always manifest at the same time—because they seem, in the beginning, like two independent forces."
(in Axel)